Sam's Private Thoughts

The private thoughts of one among millions.

Confession #2

I use my depression as a crutch.

I suffer from Post-partum anxiety and depression.  There are days that I don’t want to do anything.  Not even get out of bed.  I don’t even want to bother eating.  It’s all just. . . too much effort.

And, since my diagnosis, I use it as an excuse.  On those days, instead of pushing through and doing what needs to be done anyway (like I used to), I instead do as little as possible and blame it on the depression.

Also, I don’t think the meds are helping.  But I also know that people who are depressed think that the meds aren’t helping, even when they are.  So, I keep taking them anyway.  Really, I hate medication, as a rule, and try to take as little of it as possible.  I hate side-effects, and I’d like to think that my body knows how to function on its own.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t.  If it weren’t for medication, I wouldn’t be a functioning human at this moment.  Allergy meds and a daily inhaler control the life-threatening asthma.  Zoloft to control the crippling, paralyzing panic attacks.  Birth control to make my monthly cramping sessions bearable enough that I don’t pass out from the pain.


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This entry was posted on May 8, 2012 by and tagged , , , , , , .
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